Right now I’m trying really hard to make myself go on a run. Apparently, apparently, it’s good for you.
This happens about three times a week. I get home from work and proceed to have a very heated internal argument with myself because all I want to do is curl up in a ball and pretend I’m somewhere far away where I’m not in danger of twisting my ankles, excessive body sweat and high levels of social humiliation. Like Narnia. Or under the kitchen sink.
So here is a list of happier alternatives that have occurred to me in the last ten minutes while I’m trying desperately hard not to give in and struggle round Clapham Common like a gazelle with flu. You may use them if you so wish.
24 things to do instead of going for a run.
- Learn to write excellent haikus.
- Make all the kinds of cake it is possible to bake in a mug in a microwave in five minutes.
- Research which dog is best suited to your personality.
- Learn Japanese.
- Begin writing the first chapter of your novel.
- Have a go at making sushi.
- Test your typing speed.
- Pair up all of the odd socks in your underwear drawer.
- Stretch your jeans.
- Read the dictionary.
- Perfect your Celine Dion impression.
- Practice twerking.
- Grow your hair.
- Follow the yellow brick road.
- Polish your trainers.
- Predict the future.
- Try to learn all of Phoebe’s songs in Friends.
- Write a musical.
- Pick a Harry Potter book in a foreign language and translate it.
- Make a list of your favourite pasta shapes.
- Plant a tree.
- Try to sneeze more than five times in a row.
- Make a mural with toothpaste.
- Plan your funeral. You will need it if you don’t EXERCISE.