Humour, Travel

A First Time For Everything

Oh la la! Bonjour from beautiful Sydney! 

I am five days into my trip to Sydney – what has become a self-confessed tourist extravaganza for one, also known as, ‘Emma and Janice’s Day of Fun except there is no Janice and it’s actually seven days.’ 

I apologise – I have been super busy climbing into maps and trying to grow more freckles and have struggled to find the time to write a new post. This one started in a roof cafe at the Australian Natural History Museum though – pretty snazzy by my usual standards of…somewhere…in my pyjamas…in a crisis. This was my view holllllla. 


I have so much to say in such a short space of time so I have decided to do a blog about the “firsts” of this trip. Like my very own one person game of I Have Never. Grab a drink, go wild. 

24 Australian Firsts (in no particular order)

1. Went out for the day and came home with 19 kangaroo selfies.


And 3 emu ones. 


2. Went into American Apparel without any make up on.

And found an item of clothing that wasn’t the width of a toddler’s neck. 

3. Saw Australian Shakespeare for the first time. It involved tan lines and hip hop dancing. It was abysmal and exquisite. 

4. Think I came on to a parrot.

5. Forgot to plug my headphones in on the plane and subjected every other passenger to five-ten minutes of intense labour screams from Call the Midwife. 

6. Did my hair in the reflection of a microwave door. Travelling makes me crazy.

7. Lost self esteem by standing next to a building. 

Sydney is exactly like I expected it to be – staggeringly beautiful. Really. Everywhere you look there is the architectural equivalent of Elle Macpherson. I stand next to the Opera House and look down at myself in my tourist trainers and feel as bad about myself as the time a man in the street walked past me and pointed at me and said “If you’re my package tell the postman I’m not in.” 

Luckily there is a seal that sunbathes on the step round the front so there is at least something more on my level in the harbour.  

8. I went out on a Friday night in a pac a mac.  


9. Sang Summer Nights in a karaoke bar with someone who is apparently famous here for playing Julian Assange on television. 

10. Was on the receiving end of potentially the only chat up line ever to involve the art of Mexican ballet dancing.

11. Found some vegan soap and soy candles in a market – that’s Sydney. 

12. Looked round the mineral collection of the Natural History Museum.

In my defence, it was raining.

13. Saw someone give spinach juice to a homeless person who clearly just wanted a burger. 

14. Ate two Maxibons in one day. 

So far I haven’t seen anyone else eating ice cream in Sydney as everyone seems to be on juice cleanses because they either a) respect their bodies or more likely b) because you get packs of kiwis that come with their own spork – irresistible.

15. Made an emergency bank transfer just because I had a muffin craving. 

16. Bought two toy echidnas. 

17. Wished I was a platypus. 

18. Dipped my toes in a rooftop pool.

19. Also got a wombat selfie. That one stays private.

20. Saw and fed and stroked this baby joey and cried. 


21. Ate a raw carrot with no shame in the following places: outside the Opera House, under the Harbour Bridge, outside a world-renowned surf shop, outside Prada.

22. Found the forgotten end of a raw carrot inside my pac a mac three days later.

23. Discovered I have a bit of a life plan to come home to after all. 

24. Spent seven continuous weeks living with couples (all exceptionally beautiful, kind and wonderful human beings putting up with me and my tourist trainers) whilst I’ve fallen asleep most nights cuddling this giant toy broccoli.


At least I’ve had some romantic conversations with Ed:


I have eleven days left in this country and so many more firsts I need to smash before I fly home. Tomorrow I’m taking a trip to the Blue Mountains – just me and two Vegemite rolls (and a raw carrot obviously) – off to see the Three Sisters and a giant’s staircase. To be continued…

Lots of love x

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