sun, surf, selfridges, (slug)…

Hello! Happy Monday!!!

Firstly – thank you so much for reading my first ever blog, especially those of you I didn’t bribe.

I’m so happy it made you laugh. I didn’t actually write it with the intention of being hilarious, actually more philosophical, ambitious and fiercely intelligent, but it’s fine.

I realised in the last blog that I gave very little background to my life and how I’ve ended up the way I am so here’s a quick summary. My mum says I was born on a Wednesday so naturally I’m full of woe. I’m actually mostly full of chocolate but there’s probably a fine line. I moved to London when I was 19 to study English at university. I act like I’m incredibly bitter about the futility of my degree but it’s mostly light-hearted. I am grateful for a few things. I got good at puns, this blog will mostly be grammatically inoffensive, and I’m also expertly familiar with the use of sheep in medieval performance.

I graduated between two and three years ago and I’ve had a really brilliant time in the world of theatre since for which I’m very grateful. But I guess I’m having my disillusionment phase two years late, and I’m now looking for a new direction and some inspiration. I got a bit sick of people telling me I looked too young to be a producer so I’m actually going to work on becoming a child actor.

In two weeks I am off to Australia (have I mentioned that?) to visit some beautiful friends and to take part in the Adelaide Fringe Festival with my stunningly talented comedienne friend Tamar Broadbent – remember her name! So the next two weeks will be crammed with irresponsible toiletry purchases, learning more Australian and working several jobs so I can afford to eat.

Today was my penultimate working Monday before I depart! My commute wasn’t great – I caught my reflection in an escalator and realised I have a slightly wonky mouth. And I don’t actually want to talk about work so we shall skip straight to my lunch break, where the fun begins.

I had my first experience in Selfridges today in a looooong while (I have visited this store once previously, to go to the food hall, different kettle of fish…/fudge). I have some Christmas vouchers and I embarked on an innocent mission to get £50 worth of Chanel sun cream for Australia, or something similarly useful, you know? Needless to say, I left with nothing. Except at least a week’s worth of exercise legging it out of the beauty department faster than…well, faster than young me, five years ago, legging it into the food hall for fudge.

SELFRIDGES IS SCARY. I know I have the self-esteem of a locust but I genuinely anticipated it to be exactly like Mr. Selfridge and the ground floor would stand, overwhelmed at the prospect of me, a youthful voucher-holder, visiting on a wistful lotion errand, looking for grease-free inspiration. Instead, I’m convinced they intentionally drove me away with their body scrubs and bad vibes as their weapons. I’m not one to assume but I’ve come to the conclusion that this alienation is all because my face is too shiny. And I know it’s too shiny because once I had to stand in for an actress at a film interview so they could set up the cameras and I caused too much glare on the screen to be useful.

This Selfridges anecdote doesn’t really have a point to it but I find it ironic that I got more burns from the glares of beauty attendants today than I ever would have received from the Australian sun. A lesson learned. I’m not over it, but whatever.

I went to Devon with my boyfriend Ed and his family this week and I had the BEST TIME and the BEST IDEA. As you can tell I haven’t sussed out an optimum blog-length yet but don’t worry, this is the last part. So here it is!

Emma’s Official Things To Do When Your Boyfriend Is Surfing And You Can’t Surf Guide:

  • Go on a treasure hunt. You never know what you will find. I found a Malteaser box and checked it for leftovers and I also mistook a leaf for a slug.
  • Pretend to be Taylor Swift and/or Celine Dion. This doesn’t really count as it’s common practice for me but you can have it for free.
  • Put your coat over your rucksack and be a ninja turtle.
  • Find some sand, try it as an exfoliator, and begin your first beauty blog (Oh yes. It’s happening).

The end.

It was actually quite tiring doing my surfing blog (one for Lonely Planet, no?) and when I’m tired I get insecure and ask Ed questions like is he ashamed of me wearing too many patterns? So I stopped. And I’m going to stop writing now too because I think I’ve told you enough. Wow. Selfridges didn’t rid me of my sense of shame entirely today. It lives.

Thank you so much for reading!! If you got this far through the waffle good on you and and see you soon. xxxx

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